Note: This story contains graphic depictions of predatory grooming and sexual abuse.
“I just feel like you need a special hug from a friend,” Darren Kizer, a 44-year-old pastor at Parker Hill Community Church in Dickson City, in northeast Pennsylvania near Scranton, told Steph, his 27-year-old employee.
At the time—Sept. 2, 2013—Steph thought she and Kizer were just enjoying a brief mid-day canoe ride as a break from work. This was something they had done before with other staff. But this time, it was just them.
Steph recounts that Kizer paddled upstream for about 20 minutes. They walked to a waterfall he’d discovered.
Steph told TRR Kizer hugged her once on the way to the falls. But on the way back, he pinned her against a stone wall, groped her breasts, then pressed his erect genitals into her back.
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“I froze,” she said. “I don’t have a record of how long it went on, but it was not quick.”
About a month later, she claims he asked her to perform oral sex on him. She complied, but said afterward, “I sat there in front of him, weeping because I was so distraught.”
These interactions continued for about 11 months until August 2014, when Steph and her husband moved to Atlanta.
At the time, Steph thought the miles would create distance from Kizer. However, because of “side projects” he had initiated, contact continued.
The next year, Kizer moved to Atlanta to work for the leading church curriculum provider, Orange. And it was as a senior executive at Orange that Kizer began sexually abusing her again, said Steph, who began working for Orange in 2016.
Experts decir that sexual contact between a pastor or spiritual authority and those under them classifies as adult clergy sexual abuse because of the power differential. Steph asked TRR to use only her first name, which complies with our policy of identifying alleged sex abuse victims only if they request it.
According to Steph, Orange—whose founder Reggie Joiner has been accused of sexually abusing multiple female subordinates and contractors—provided the ideal environment for abuse.
Steph said Orange operated with very few boundaries. Employees were expected to work after hours with little to no advance notice. And Orange maintained a condo, where employees would often work late into the night and even sleep over.
From 2016—2019, Steph said Kizer abused her at Orange and at an Atlanta-area lake property where Kizer often hosted ministry staff.
But it was only when the details of Joiner’s alleged abuse of other subordinates came out that Steph understood what had been happening to her and ended it.
Kizer, however, has implied their relationship was consensual, calling Steph an “affair partner” and adding, “We hold some different views on the situation.”
Although he declined to answer a series of specific questions about the allegations against him, he did give a brief statement to TRR:
“I deeply regret and take responsibility for engaging in a sexual relationship that was a clear violation of my marital vows and a profound lapse in the ethical canons placed in me as a pastor. My role as a pastor required me to uphold the highest ethical standards and to prioritize the spiritual and emotional well-being of those I served. These actions represented a profound failure to meet those obligations and a misuse of the trust placed in me.”
Steph responded: “I was never his partner; I was his prey . . . I couldn’t have given consent, given the power dynamic that he had all of the opportunity to offer and every ability to take away the opportunity.”
Steph said she is coming out with her story now to alert other women who have been groomed by predator pastors.
Clergyman’s grooming opens door to more abuse
Steph’s story begins in 2009, when she became a youth volunteer at Parker Hill—now a campus of Lives Changed by Christ Church. Kizer promoted her to a part-time administrative position, and over the years, her responsibilities grew.
Meanwhile, Steph and her husband struggled with infertility, which became a context for Kizer to ask increasingly personal questions.
“Darren kind of locked in about my marriage with Tim,” she said. “It was like he was feeling out my commitment level to my husband, asking about the frequency of our sexual intimacy and the challenges of keeping track of (fertility) dates.”
Then she said Kizer divulged he had not been satisfied in his marriage but that having kids had been “a great distraction” for years.
He then began fostering a boundary-less relationship with Steph, she alleges, telling her, “I’ll distract you, to help you find purpose outside of that role of wife or mother.”
After learning how Steph had dreamed of being an author, he suggested writing a ministry book together that would involve travel for research.
Then came the canoe outing, which Kizer reportedly downplayed.
“You know, if my wife saw that hug, she would be so upset. . .” Steph recalled Kizer saying. “I’m only being your friend, but nobody else would get it if anybody knew.”
Following the alleged assault, Steph began experiencing heightened anxiety, brain fog, and depression. “What I now recognize as symptoms of PTSD, I (then) believed were the result of deep regret for leading astray a man God had ordained.”
Any disclosure, she feared, would expose her sin. Plus, Kizer made it clear that her silence was the price for their upcoming trip to Dubai to conduct research for the book.
“You can’t make this weird,” Steph recalled Kizer saying. “If my wife finds out or has any sort of inclination that there’s a problem, we won’t be able to do this trip. And we won’t be able to write this book.”
No boundaries
Meanwhile, Kizer kept pushing boundaries by bringing up the size of his genitals and asking Steph how his compared to her husband’s. During church staff meetings, Kizer would brush up against her legs and knees under the table, she said.
The two journeyed to Dubai weeks later with Kizer’s wife, Becky, and the co-author of the planned book.
“He’d make flirty comments on that trip—like looking at a honey stand in a crowded market, he’d lean over and whisper, ‘I bet your lips taste like that honey,’” Steph told TRR.
Upon returning home, Kizer scheduled time with Steph at her home to work on the book. Steph claimed he would embrace her while the two were clothed, with him pressing into her.
Because the church was opening another campus location, Kizer often asked Steph to work from an empty building partially under renovation. When they were alone, Kizer would make sexual demands.
“I was truly isolated and alone in that situation,” Steph told TRR. “I am five foot eight, and Darren is six foot four. I don’t think I stood a chance against him.”
On October 9, 2013, a particularly egregious day when she was not feeling well, Kizer allegedly compelled her to perform oral sex on him. That evening, Kizer commented on her husband’s Instagram correo, “Great day!”
Christian educator repeats predatory pattern
In the summer of 2014, Steph and Tim moved to the Atlanta area for his work, and the sexual contact with Kizer stopped.
But soon afterwards, Kizer left his pastoral role and began to work remotely for Atlanta-based Orange with the understanding that he and his family would move to Atlanta in mid-2015, following a child’s graduation.
Kizer stayed in regular contact with Steph via online chat. Steph said she tried to create distance, but Kizer’s grooming of her and her husband—inviting them to family dinners and offering ministry connections—convinced her that Kizer was still a friend.
With the co-authored book and Steph providing editorial help to Kizer, “both of our professional and ministry careers relied on each other’s work,” she said.
In 2016, Steph joined Orange to develop middle-school curriculum, hired by a director overseeing a department Kizer had no involvement in at the time. Eventually, Steph became part of Orange’s publishing division, where she observed what she described as a chaotic ministry culture.
She said she found Orange both laissez faire—with executives working out of a condominium where some staff slept at night—and demanding, with project meetings on Sunday nights.
Then, in fall 2017, Steph and Tim adopted a son, and Steph alerted Orange that she was leaving—until Kizer stepped in.
“Think about everything professionally you’ve worked for. Do you really want to give it all up?” she recalls him saying. “What if you contract for me part time? You can get out of the house and have a grown-up life, aside from caring for the baby.”
Steph agreed to stay on in 2018, thinking she’d be surrounded by people when at the office. But the office space Kizer assigned her was deserted.
Two other former Orange staffers confirmed to TRR details of Steph’s employment and the work arrangement with Kizer, then-Orange Executive Director of Strategic Initiatives.
Multiple times per week, Kizer again had opportunity to control her.
“I would come in in the morning and he would be like, ‘Okay, before we get to work, let’s make some coffee, make some tea, and make sure we’re all set up to work.’ Then he would close the blinds in the break room and say, ‘Let me give you a hug,’ and it would progress from there.”
Steph said that, whenever no one else was present, which was 80% of the time, he demanded sexual favors—mainly oral sex in the break room—and she would comply.
“Taking care of whatever he needed” became a part of her routine, she said. “My thinking was, ‘I want to do my job well, and this is the hurdle I need to get over to get to my job.’”
Because of the church bookings and royalties she’d received from co-writing a book with Kizer, Steph felt that revealing the secret would “blow everything up,” she said.
She added she would tell Kizer that she didn’t want to do certain acts anymore, and he would appear to agree to certain boundaries. Then, he’d negotiate it away later.
When pressed about whether she tried to fight back, Steph called it “a valid question.”
“Really, I was in a place where it was easier to be compliant than to put up a fight.”
Revelations at Orange spark reevaluation of relationship
Steph resigned from Orange in July 2019 and also ended intimacies with Kizer. But it wasn’t until this spring that she began viewing what had happened as not her fault, but Kizer’s grooming and abuse.
Though former Orange CEO Kristen Ivy claimed Joiner had sexually abused her at Orange, it was the more recent account of an anonymous woman that impacted Steph.
The woman said Joiner recruited her as a church assistant just out of high school. This progressed to the two spending significant time alone as Joiner reportedly confessed his fantasies about her and kissed her.
“The grooming she described was eye-opening,” said Steph. “I had overlooked how this pastor started a sexual relationship with me—a woman who reported to him.”
She texted the link to her husband. Later that day, for the first time, she confessed what had gone on for over five years, both at Orange and the Pennsylvania church.
“Let’s put it this way: she ripped the Band-Aid off very quickly,” Tim said in an interview. “Even though she was admitting to essentially a long period of lying to me, I also felt like I really trusted what she was saying in that moment.”
“One moment I’d be angry with her and then the next moment I’d think, ‘No, I need to direct my anger towards him.’”
Tim said he realized how Kizer had groomed him to never suspect anything. “This trusted family friend perpetrated abuse of my wife—and when he helped me or gave pastoral advice, it was really to get close to Steph.”
Christian educator loses ministry affiliations
This past April, Steph and Tim told Kizer they were cutting off all contact. They also requested that her name be removed as a co-author from the ministry book.
Since then, two Atlanta-area ministries led by former Orange staff members that had worked with Kizer have disaffiliated with him.
Curious Faith Media, a Christian apologetics ministry, removed Kizer’s name and content he authored from its website on April 15. And The Echo Group, which connects evangelical churches with youth ministry speakers, no longer lists Kizer as one of its communicators.
Due to fallout from the scandal involving Orange founder Joiner, the brand and assets of Orange were sold earlier this year by The ReThink Group to Dallas-based ministry Amazing Life Foundation (ALF).
In reply to TRR’s inquiry about Kizer, a representative of ALF fijado that Kizer has never been employed by ALF and directed TRR to The ReThink Group.
Current staff at The ReThink Group, which still exists primarily to complete a third-party investigation of Joiner and the related scandal, did not respond to TRR’s request for comment about Kizer.
On May 19, in his statement to TRR, Kizer concluded: “I sincerely ask for forgiveness from my spouse, my family, the offended, and their family, and all those I have harmed. I express deep shame and remorse for my actions and the pain they have caused.”
Steph took issue with Kizer referring to her as “the offended” in his statement. “This is not an apology (and) belittles what has happened.”
This story was updated to correct a photo caption and accurately report certain details.
Josh Shepherd is production editor at The Roys Report and a journalist who escribe sobre fe, cultura y políticas públicas para varios medios outlets. He and his family live in central Florida.
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63 Responses
I’m trying to wrap my head around why Pastors, teachers, Deacons, musicians think an “I’m sorry. It was wrong” fixes everything and that we should accept that. My opinion is, because churches don’t want to “get involved” with the growing problem of abuse, it’s not a problem. Especially when it’s in their church and they turn a blind eye. Jeremiah 23😢
I’m amazed at how many people call themselves Christians – and work in “Christian” ministries – but have no idea what being a Christian means.
Same story we’ve heard time and time again. A perverted man unhappy in his own life chooses a victim and pounces. It’s all so sad, but also too common. I pray for the victims and I pray for his wife (hopefully ex) and his family’s healing. God will get him in the end.
Of course he was wrong – that goes without saying, but she’s 27 and a Christian, but didn’t realize that it would be inappropriate to go on a private canoe ride with a married man? And then she didn’t turn around and punch him or kick him in a crucial place when he accosted her? Is she not able to speak? I have trouble seeing her as a victim. She was 27, not 17. I would have said no to a canoe ride with a married man at 15! If this is the case with an adult woman, that she cannot stand up for herself and avoid even the appearance of evil, then whatever Christian education she ever had was sadly lacking.
Hi Debra!
As a pastor and survivor of sexual and physical abuse myself, i think it’s important to recognize that grooming and abuse don’t always look like what we expect, especially when spiritual authority is involved. Grooming isn’t just about age; it’s about slowly breaking down someone’s boundaries, especially in environments where obedience, deference, and forgiveness are emphasized over discernment and justice. Trauma responses don’t always look like resistance—they often look like freeze, fawn, or confusion. That doesn’t make someone complicit—it means they were targeted in ways meant to silence them.
Being 27 doesn’t make someone immune to fear, especially when power and spiritual trust are exploited. Christian education is not a vaccine against abuse, and when we shame survivors by attacking their faith or formation, we risk aligning ourselves more with the accuser than the Advocate.
Calling her Christian education “lacking” because she was victimized isn’t just inaccurate—it’s deeply un-Christlike. Jesus didn’t shame the woman caught in harm’s way—He defended her. So should we.
Hagar’s Voice has a great set of resources on their website when it comes to what to do when we see or hear about Adult Clergy Sexual Abuse and how to respond with care. I would highly encourage a read!
It goes without saying that pastors abusing their clergy is awful, and they deserve to be held accountable.
But when it comes to grown adults, and the victims persist in complying with the sin, I think we go too far in saying that they bear NO responsibility.
A power dynamic doesn’t strip people of their autonomy and ability to say no. The victim might be weaker and more susceptible, but why does that mean they’re free of guilt? If the government commanded us to sin or else be thrown in jail, is it not our responsibility to resist and be righteous? The apostles were martyred for resisting authorities. We can acknowledge that its hard psychologically to resist someone in power, but that doesn’t mean its acceptable. By this woman’s own admission, she willingly partook in these actions because her job and success were on the line. At some point we have to hold every party responsible.
With that being said, I’m sure that the Lord is much more furious with those in power that lead people into sin. My heart goes out to this woman, and there’s no judgement. I just think its healthy to take accountability for the part we play, so that we can repent and grow.
Thank you for engaging with this thoughtfully. You’re naming something many wrestle with—how to honor both justice and responsibility. I’d like to offer a few reflections, especially on how we talk about abuse.
You’re right that accountability matters. But we often rush to assess a survivor’s “part” before we’ve fully acknowledged the impact of coercion, grooming, and power imbalances. In cases of clergy abuse, the harm isn’t just individual—it’s systemic, spiritual, and psychological. That has to come first.
Yes, adults have agency. But abuse often distorts that agency through manipulation, fear, and shame—especially in Christian contexts where obedience, loyalty, and purity are moralized. Survivors may stay silent or comply not out of desire, but because their trust, safety, or identity is being weaponized. That isn’t consent. It’s survival.
Many people struggle to understand this if they’ve never experienced that kind of powerlessness—or if they’ve always had the benefit of clarity, support, or status. Abuse thrives in confusion. And healing begins with compassion, not correction.
Luke 12:48 says, “To whom much is given, much will be required.” Those with authority bear greater responsibility. And while repentance is important for all of us, demanding it first from the one who was groomed risks reinforcing the abuse.
Jesus led with mercy. He protected the vulnerable and confronted those who misused power in God’s name. That’s the order we’re called to follow—not because survivors are perfect, but because healing requires safety before scrutiny.
Accountability should never become a distraction from justice. And grace doesn’t mean excusing harm—but it does mean we hold space for the complexity of trauma and resist the urge to shame those already carrying so much.
Something I heard recently really cleared up any muddy waters around this issue for me. There is a simple rule those in leadership or on the higher end of a power imbalance agree to live by when they accept those positions of power: When you are seen as a leader (whether that is a boss to their subordinate, a teacher to their student, a therapist to their client, a doctor to their patient, a member of the clergy to their congregant), the responsibility of setting and holding boundaries is 100% on your shoulders.
If a leader does not know how to create and hold boundaries, they are a danger to everyone who follows them.
Until there is zero wiggle room on the responsibility of church leaders to create and hold boundaries – as long as there are discussions about “her culpability” – the church will remain a dangerous place for its congregants.
To both Scott and Blaire,
I agree with what y’all are saying. I think its been common to simply view the congregants in these cases as a seductress who led a holy man astray, while the pastor would be quickly forgiven and restored. This is awful, and the leaders are absolutely to be held to a high standard. Its also important to recognize that most cases aren’t as simple as saying no to the abuser. Overall, its definitely good that we’ve shifted away from just pointing the finger at the women, and are holding leaders accountable according to their role and influence. Shaming these women is despicable, and they should be cared for and restored with nuance.
My modest argument is that in doing this, we might sometimes swing too far in the other direction of giving the victims no agency or accountability for their choices. I think its ok to recognize that these men prey on weak victims, but being weak doesn’t always make you irresponsible, and being weak doesn’t mean you can’t grow stronger to be prepared against wolves who would lead you into sin. Again I would point out that we’re called to always be on guard against wolves, and stand up to corrupt authorities, not give in.
Saying this can sound harsh, but I think its just something to keep in mind. I still absolutely agree that the victims shouldn’t be shamed, and the leaders need to held fully accountable and brought down.
Hi Blaire, Thank you for sharing your insight but to get back to Debra’s comment would be the canoe trip. I am a male nurse with over 40 years of experience and my coworkers are primarily women but I would never go on a canoe trip with another female coworker, maybe in a group but never alone, it just isn’t wise and if understanding this correctly, this is where the first incident occurred.
Things can happen due to the weakness of either party. As a married man if my wife said she was going on a one on one canoe trip with a male coworker we would be having a good discussion and the same with me.
Maybe I am missing something here and if I am enlighten me. Terrible things happened to this young lady that are grievous and need to be dealt with by counseling and help
Chuck, it’s worth noting that there had been group canoe trips before, and she wouldn’t necessarily have known that it would just be them alone. That’s how grooming works sometimes, doing group activities to normalize when you do those activities one-on-one.
And you mention that you wouldn’t do one on one things with coworkers, but would you one on things with your boss if they asked you to? What if they made it seem like there would be professional implications- like they’re mentoring you or helping you with writing your book, a goal that you have? That’s how clergy sexual abuse happens- there is already a spiritual component to your work that they can twist and exploit. they take advantage of the automatic trust afforded them as the spiritual leader.
There seems to be a lot of secular psychology in your response. She was 27 and a Christian. It’s not ok for a married woman to be alone with a man and it certainly isn’t ok to give him oral sex and commit adultery. The Bible doesn’t ever give excuses for sin….period. We are personally responsible for our actions.
At the judgment seat of Christ…..no one is going to be let off the hook because they were “groomed”. All that does is make your sin not your fault because someone in authority over you convinced you that you had no choice. She should have done what Joseph did….RUN. That’s the Biblical way to handle it.
I totally agree with Debra.
Why are young Christian women so trusting and willing to do what they know is wrong.? It does sound like she was interested in keeping her job and writing a book.
I hear your concern, but it’s important to remember that trust isn’t a flaw—it’s something predators exploit. Especially in faith communities, where obedience, humility, and submission are often emphasized for women, manipulation can look like mentorship or spiritual guidance. Abuse isn’t always obvious, and survivors often internalize guilt for things done to them under pressure, fear, or coercion.
Suggesting she went along for a book deal shifts the focus away from the abuse and back onto the victim’s motives—a pattern that too often silences survivors. Let’s lead with compassion, not suspicion.
Yes, and since she was married, she knew what he was up to. How could her husband not see the change in her?
I agree that she should have recognized a crime being committed against her and respond with a forceful NO.
But these sleazebags have a diabolical ability to elicit sympathy for themselves that can sometimes override Christian defenses. It is a horrible abuse of pastoral authority. He must be stripped of all powers and sent to exile and prosecuted if possible. There is no road to respectability in this life.
Thank you for naming the seriousness of Adult Clergy Sexual Abuse. I also want to gently push back on part of what you said: many people assume that if a victim just says “no” forcefully enough, the abuse will stop. But that’s not always true. Predators—especially those in positions of spiritual authority—are often skilled at ignoring boundaries, manipulating emotions, and weaponizing Christian teachings like forgiveness, submission, or self-doubt to override resistance. A “no” should be enough—but in many cases, it isn’t respected. (There were examples of this in the article)
Blaming victims for not resisting in the “right” way shifts the focus off the abuser’s calculated misuse of power. Survivors deserve compassion, not scrutiny over how they protected themselves under immense fear, confusion, or spiritual manipulation. Abuse is never the victim’s fault, and Christ’s justice is not about tone-policing a “no”—it’s about defending the vulnerable and confronting evil with truth and mercy.
“When a woman is assaulted one of the first questions people ask is, ‘Did you say no?’ This question assumes that the answer was always yes, and that it is her job to revoke the agreement. To diffuse the bomb she was given. But why are they allowed to touch us until we physically fight them off? Why is the door open until we have to slam it shut?” Chanel Miller, Know My Name, Chapter 4. I was asked to read it by a good friend. The entire book should be required reading for all humans. Chapter 4 especially.
It also must be said that she did very clearly express her objection to what Darren was doing to her/asking of her. Going rigid and freezing up is not consent. Crying inconsolably after a sexual encounter should have raised some red flags FOR HIM. She moved away. She tried to quit her job. She told Darren she wanted to stop. Darren is the one who ignored, coerced, convinced, threatened, and blew past every stop sign she threw up.
EVEN SO – no stop signs from her were needed for this to be undeniably predatory. NO ONE is able to fully consent to a sexual encounter with a boss or spiritual leader, no matter their age. Full stop. There is coercion (spoken or unspoken) any time there is a power imbalance. And consent cannot be given in the presence of coercion.
It would be helpful to do a study and try to ascertain what gives some women ( and men) the strength to resist a sexual overture by a male leader and others not. I know many women I work with who due to personality strengths etc would have made his life miserable on that canoe trip had they gone in the first place. What are the character strengths and mindset of those who resist?
I agree. Something not right at 27 u allow this to keep happening and u r married? Should have done something about it after the canoe ride.
It’s unfortunate how easily we expect the victim to carry the responsibility, while the abuser—a pastor and leader with power, influence, and spiritual authority—gets barely a mention. The question shouldn’t be, “Why didn’t she stop it?” but rather, “Why did he target, manipulate, and silence her for years?”
Grooming is not just a one-time event—it’s a process that erodes boundaries, creates dependency, and instills fear and confusion. By the time that canoe ride happened, this survivor may have already been entangled in emotional and spiritual manipulation. Her being married doesn’t cancel out her victimhood—it just shows how deeply this abuse invaded her life.
Let’s stop asking, “Why didn’t she fight harder?” and start asking, “Why are we so quick to protect abusers and shame survivors?”
Yes. I was thinking that also. I feel especially bad for Tim.
It’s valid to feel for the survivor’s husband —betrayal hurts. But why aren’t we also grieving for the survivor, the woman who was groomed and spiritually exploited by a spiritual leader in power?
She was targeted, isolated and likely battling shame. This isn’t either/or—we can hold compassion for both, while remembering who held the power and used it to harm.
Debra Lindsey: “…If this is the case with an adult woman, that she cannot stand up for herself and avoid even the appearance of evil, then whatever Christian education she ever had was sadly lacking.”
Me: Debra, for the sake of argument, let’s say you are accurate, and it was all due to a “lacking” in her Christian education. Perhaps that’s more reason to extend compassion and understanding.
I just wanted to add that the Bible speaks to this kind of issue: 2Timothy 3:5-7 – “For of this sort are those who creep into houses and lead captive silly women laden with sins, led away with divers lusts…” And I’m not meaning to point the finger at this person, but to say that we’re all “prone to wander” and we must “exercise ourselves unto godliness”.
Thank you for bringing scripture into the conversation—it’s vital that we root these discussions in God’s Word. But it’s also important to apply scripture with context and care, especially when discussing abuse.
2 Timothy 3:5–7 describes false teachers who exploit the vulnerable—not to shame those who are deceived, but to warn against predators. Paul isn’t condemning “silly women”—he’s exposing the manipulators who target those already burdened by guilt and shame. This passage doesn’t justify victim-blaming—it calls out abusers who twist truth for their own gain.
Yes, we’re all prone to wander. That’s why grace matters. But in cases like this, the primary issue isn’t lust or wandering hearts—it’s the calculated grooming of a spiritual leader. God’s justice is just as holy as His mercy, and both are needed when confronting abuse in the church.
Well, Debra, since “we’re all ‘prone to wander’ “, if you had been a female victim and someone had targeted your self with the above 2 Timothy 3:5-7 recitation, would the words “silly”, “laden with sins”, and “led away with divers lusts” feel personally hurtful? Especially when being brave enough to share experiences of personal victimization and not knowing how to react because of the power differential? I suspect the answer is “yes”.
When a victim shares their story, it’s retraumatizing to question their reactions and responses or hypothothize how you would respond. It’s cruel, and it amounts to saying that they did it wrong, and if they did it “right” they wouldn’t have been abused. It’s blaming the victim for something that is wholly and entirely the responsibility of the abuser- especially when there is a power differential like there is any time a boss or clergy is involved.
It sounds like you are a strong person, so it’s difficult for you to identify with her as victim. Predators carefully choose victims who are very compliant; some who go into a fawn response from abuse and dysfunction in their childhood. Also, as her spiritual authority she trusted him in the beginning. As the abuse began, he used deceptive language to justify his actions AND to make her complicit. Why didn’t she immediately report him so that the abuse was only a one time assault? I would guess confusion and shame. Sounds like she rightly knew many people would condemn her. Sadly, there are probably women or young men being sexually abused right now watching to see how this plays out; they wanna know ‘if I come forward and expose the abuse, will people just call it a consensual affair? Will they look at me as a dirty sinner?’ Just something to think about.
As a survivor of sexual abuse, I completely agree with you. This story is so confusing to me. I understand the fear and intimidation that plays into the typical pattern but this doesn’t seem to fit.
Wow what a tragedy we see this to often who can you really trust nowadays. We must be on our guard there’s many coming in sheep clothing and their desire is for their sexual pleasure. That’s sad when you cannot even feel safe at a church😲
I don’t understand why people who are abused don’t report it the first time it happens. It only allows the abuser to continue their evil behavior. The last thing they should want to do is be around that person again. If that had happened to me, I’d tell law enforcement, the church leadership, my entire family & close friends. I’d also never again set foot in that church/ministry or wherever that abuser was. God is absolutely revealing that which has been kept hidden.
I believe your heart may be in the right place, but comments like this are exactly why so many survivors don’t speak up. When we say, “If it were me, I would’ve told everyone,” we unintentionally imply that those who didn’t are somehow complicit—and that’s deeply unfair.
This shifts the responsibility off the abuser and back onto the survivor, who may already feel crushed by shame, fear, and spiritual confusion. Especially in cases of grooming by church leaders, survivors are often made to believe they are the ones in the wrong. They fear exactly these kinds of responses: “Why didn’t you say something sooner?”
Instead of asking why she stayed silent, let’s ask what kind of environment makes silence feel safer than speaking up—and commit to changing that.
I’m very impressed with your measured, compassionate, rational responses to those of us who would impulsively engage in thoughtless victim blaming, however unintentional. Kudos to you!
Thank you so much! These conversations are hard, and I try to assume most are coming from a place of wanting truth and justice. My hope is simply to help us all hold space for the complexity of abuse, especially when it’s wrapped in spiritual language and power.
None of us are immune to bias or quick assumptions—but when we pause, listen, and lead with compassion, we move closer to the kind of justice and mercy Jesus modeled. Grateful to be in dialogue with you.
Hi Blaire,
I believe your heart is in the right place, and I appreciate your thoughtful tone and compassion toward survivors. That said, I also think we need to be honest about the role personal agency plays—even in painful, complex situations.
You suggest that asking, “Why didn’t she speak up?” shifts blame to the survivor. But that’s not always the case. Sometimes it’s a legitimate and necessary question. Injustice often thrives in silence, and while fear, shame, and spiritual manipulation can be strong forces, adults still bear some responsibility for their decisions—especially over prolonged periods.
There’s a fine line between empathy and enabling. If we treat every delayed disclosure as beyond critique, we risk creating a culture where accountability becomes impossible—particularly when allegations emerge years later, with little to no corroborating evidence.
Yes, grooming and spiritual manipulation are real. But so is personal responsibility—especially once someone becomes aware that something is deeply wrong and still chooses to maintain secrecy, continued contact, or mutual deception. Not every survivor is powerless in every moment. Many feel torn or confused, but that doesn’t erase moral agency.
We need a culture that upholds both compassion and truth. Silence may feel safer, but it isn’t always morally neutral.
I also grieve deeply for Becky Kizer and Tim—two spouses who were deceived for years while this relationship continued in secret. Their pain deserves acknowledgment too.
Lastly, Blaire, I encourage you to be mindful not to let your own story of abuse bleed too heavily into how you interpret others’ experiences. Each situation is unique, and we owe it to all victims to hold space for nuance—without automatically projecting or defending one narrative over another.
Dee, I’m glad you’ve never been abused or assaulted by a trusted leader. I used to think in a similar manner as you. Before I was in an abusive marriage, I thought “if a man ever:(fill in the blank) swore at me, woke me up in the middle of night to scream at me, expect me to apologize for setting him off, tell me God was gonna kill me bc I didn’t honor him, degrade me sexually, say my chronic migraines were a result of my rebellion bc I had given myself over to Satan, control me financially…..” then I would be get away from him INSTANTLY!! Unfortunately, confronting abuse isn’t so simple and easy. I can’t unpack abuse dynamics in a short comment but there are wonderful resources to help you understand. For example, the YouTube channels- Adam Young Counseling, Leslie Vernick, and Patrick Doyle.
In much of Evangelicalism there is a culture that frowns on people coming forward. It puts a damper on things. Not to mention accusing those who are ‘sacred cows’ of the vilest of sins makes the victim(s) look bad for disrupting things.
For many in the church that is their life. It’s where their friends and family hang out. To accuse someone of abuse may mean the end of that and to be ostracized from their church family.
It’s sad that many churches are no longer safe places dues to the misdeeds of leaders and members alike.
I strongly suggest reading “What Is a Girl Worth?” by Rachael Denhollander. It offers a clear picture of what is happening in the mind of an abuse victim and the reasons why she might not tell.
Well, i will say that a pastor has immense power. Christian culture trains christians to obey their pastors, to distrust their gut feelings as stemming from their sin nature, to have a magical sort of faith.
Talk about grooming.
Predators are cunning & savvy in knowing how to manipulate people & their feeling & thoughts. A predator with a pastor hat engaging with someone who’s a product of christian culture….. voof.
christian culture is totally messed up.
While this is yet another abuse of power from a spiritual leader, I had limited sympathy for a 27 year old, married woman that would not immediately report this or simply quit her job. She had to have known his actions were not in any way logical or normal. She took vows with her husband and didn’t feel she was doing anything wrong because this man was her boss? Years ago, I was young and attractive working in a male dominated business world. Half the men I worked with had “unhappy marriages” and I was NOT married so – guess what? I learned to say “no” without batting an eye and kept on with my career because that was my focus. Women know when they are being manipulated (groomed) so, this whole story is disturbing from all angles. I hope the “man of God” gets a long sentence but I also hope this woman seeks counseling to help her understand why she allowed this to begin with and how to become a strong woman that can say “no”!
Julie, that’s amazing that you immediately knew when you were being groomed and said “no.”
I don’t think that’s the case for the majority of people (men included). Grooming, by definition, is an intentionally slow, frog-in-boiling-water tactic to get someone to unknowingly agree to their own abuse.
Most people would not immediately call out grooming when their boss seems to think they are really talented. Most people would not immediately say “NO!” when their boss asks them to work on a project with them. Most people would not report to HR that their boss seems to value their opinion over everyone else on the team (not to mention that most churches don’t even have an HR team).
It’s incredible that you have been able to recognize these common grooming techniques in your bosses. I wish you were correct in saying “women know when they are being groomed.” But we know that’s not the case – because grooming is still happening. Grooming a process that depends on the victim being unaware of what is happening. In nearly all cases of grooming and abuse, the victim does not realize what happened to them until they have had a lot of separation from their abuser. And until we teach leaders and surrounding staff how to recognize and call out signs of grooming, the church will never be a safe place.
Your points are valid. Unless the perpetrator had significant control over her, it’s a fair and necessary question to ask why she allowed the situation to continue. Therapy is certainly needed, and I wish we had a follow-up to know if that ever took place.
On another note, I’m disappointed that The Roys Report chose to include such salacious and graphic details. As someone who has personally overcome sexual assault, I intentionally avoid sharing explicit descriptions when telling my story.
Of course, perpetrators must be reported and held accountable—but I would much rather see reporting that focuses on healing, restitution, and restoration, rather than on sensational, graphic content. The Roys Report could—and should—do better.
Blaire, as a survivor of covert abuse, I can relate to how tricky it is to identify when one is being abused. There were red flags early on – but I didn’t know they were warnings. Took me decades. Why didn’t I leave sooner? Because I had brain fog, couldn’t think clearly, felt guilty for things that weren’t my fault, felt trapped with no options. All things I imagine Steph experienced.
Blaire, I appreciate your many thoughtful responses. You have a clear understanding of the abuse dynamics in a power differential scenario.
Thank you so much for sharing this—and for your vulnerability. As a fellow survivor of abuse (not by a clergy person), I also know how hard it is to name something as abuse when you’re in it. Like you, I missed the red flags—because I was young when it started and I was groomed to not say no, doubt myself, to spiritualize harm, and to carry guilt that was never mine to hold. The fog, the shame, the confusion—it’s all real.
I’m so sorry for what you went through. Your words capture exactly what so many survivors experience, especially when the abuse is covert and wrapped in trust, faith, or authority. It takes such courage to name it.
Thank you for seeing and affirming the complexity of these dynamics. I believe every time survivors tell the truth—about what was done and how long it took to see—we help carve a path of clarity and compassion for someone else still stuck in the fog.
Yes! Just came here to say how much I appreciate these responses of yours, Blaire. A real breath of fresh air and so encouraging and inspiring to see how you respond (even to others’ ignorance) with compassion and clarity.
Thank you Abram! I’m thankful that my intent to create compassionate discourse on a hard conversation has hopefully made that impact. I realize I am only one limited perspective to consider of many but thanks for receiving it with kindness.
We need to bring change.
Unless this is spoken about and a method devised to teach women and girls about predatory behaviour, we are likely to see little change.
More importantly we need to teach boys from a young age that their role in God is to protect women and girls, especially. Once an adult gets away with this sort of behaviour they just keep trying it on, looking for opportunities with vulnerable people. It will take several generations to see changes in the way men/boys relate to women/girls, but unless we start to attempt to bring change in this area, that is unlikely to happen.
Do Christian men commit these heinous offences because they think God will forgive them, anyway? I’m looking for some research on this.
Though I am fully cognizant of the dynamics involved with the abuse this woman suffered, it has helped to reveal to me the very nature of seeing so many people ignoring what is clearly wrong and yet allow those committing the abuse to continue their criminal activity.
I ask myself the question, am I supposed to ignore an action that is clearly wrong and go along with it, just so I don’t make the other people feel bad. Does the fact someone in a position of authority can override any semblance of moral conduct and the ones being abused go along with it?
This has brought a small clarification involved with a nation whose religious leaders adhere to a norm that is only inherent in such government bodies and permeates throughout that religious body that clearly undermines anything to do with the gospel and those involved with that religious body are duped into believing a lie.
We place so much trust in those who are in positions of authority and appear to ignore the evil.
This article made me sad but the comments have me reeling. No wonder victims don’t wanna come forward!
I appreciate the importance of reporting on abuse and holding institutions accountable. However, as a reader, I have serious concerns about the journalistic standards in this article.
This piece relies almost entirely on one person’s account, with little to no independent verification offered. There are no cited records, timelines, texts, or third-party sources to substantiate the claims. For such serious allegations, stronger sourcing is not just helpful — it’s essential.
Additionally, language like “forced oral sex,” “prey,” and “abuse over years” is used without framing these terms clearly as allegations. These are legally and morally charged terms that should be used with care and attribution. Presenting them without context risks misleading readers into interpreting them as proven facts.
There also appear to be inconsistencies in the timeline and a lack of clarity around dates and sequence of events. This undermines the credibility of the narrative and makes it difficult for readers to evaluate the situation accurately.
Survivors deserve to be heard and supported, but responsible reporting means ensuring accuracy, balance, and due process — especially when reputations and communities are on the line. This article, unfortunately, falls wildly short of that standard.
The accused in this case has admitted to a sexual relationship with Steph. That is about the most credible verification you can get. People can argue whether the relationship was abuse or consensual. Fourteen states and the District of Columbia have laws criminalizing sexual contact between a pastor and a congregant. States vary in their definitions. But the laws are rooted in an understanding that consent is compromised when the person initiating sexual contact is a spiritual authority.
Also, the article cites co-workers at Orange that verified the working relationship between Steph and Kizer, so I’m not sure why you accuse this article of lacking third-party sources to substantiate claims.
You made numerous “general” claims but no specific proof or support for those claims. Please do so.
There is validity in the argument that women of a certain age and level of maturity have resources at their disposal to defend themselves and call out improper attempts to use and abuse. Goodness, even many feminist will emphasise this and will encourage women to not simply see themselves as potential victims. Having said that, in this instance the intentional and willful predator was just that, intentional & willfull, and due to his role and assuming status, there was no power vacuum in this situation.
Whenever I hear of men in positions of Spiritual Authority who are alleged to have bragged about the size of their “package” during sexual grooming, I’m reminded of those puzzling verses sandwiched in between Matthew 18:6 and verse 10. The obvious context of Jesus’ harsh warning there is the stumbling of or the despising of little ones. But what if Jesus had actually recommended that certain other body parts be cut off of an offender in order for them to be saved? Yet the horrified Scribes instead wrote down – hands, feet & one eye? Sorry folks, that’s just the way my partially renewed mind works.
This reminds me of The Roys Report reportage on Art Azurdia’s abuse of a woman he was educating several years ago.
If I recall correctly, the victim had to drive for hours to get to her meetings with Azurdia. Surely she had plenty of time to think about what she was doing to herself- her marriage, etc. Yet she continued making the drive and being involved with Azurdia for several years.
Clearly Azurdia is biblically disqualified from ministry. Likewise Darren Kizer is biblically disqualified from ministry and leadership. I realize that adult clergy sex abuse is a crime in some states and should be a crime in every state. I further realize that predators are good at selecting and grooming victims, but I still don’t think that we can 100% excuse the conduct of the victims when this abuse takes place over a number of years. Victims in these long-running situations still have agency, and a conscience.
Predators are VERY adept at finding victims. They instinctively look for personalities that are exploitable. If this “pastor “ was not in the position he was, would the abuse have occurred? Likely not, but the abuse dynamics between these two people still exist even if untriggered and unexecuted. One big problem is that potential victims are not able to identify themselves as vulnerable ahead of time. Like someone from an alcoholic family background knowing they have more potential for alcoholism than the average person. And taking rational steps to avoid the circumstances. Education like this, especially in ministry groups, should be a vital next step in cleaning all this out of the church.
First of all, the pastor is a huge scumbag, adulterer and in no way a man of God. That said, why does the victim put herself in these situations repeatedly? The one on one canoe trip should’ve been a huge no-no. When he groped her and asked for sexual favors, she should’ve refused, quit her job immediately, told her husband and found a lawyer. The fact that this went on for years hints at a twisted but consensual affair between two adults. Wanting to keep your job position is not a reason. It isn’t worth it to sacrifice your morals and marriage vows. I feel the real victims are the spouses that were constantly lied to, and the church congregants that thought they had a real pastor but had a perverted predator instead.
Some Questions.
1. I’m sure the correct definition is out there, but what is the foundation for clergy sexual abuse (hereon CSA)? Is it that spiritual leaders are in such a position that congregation persons can esteem them so much that they are more easily persuaded to be manipulated or abused?
2. What if the clergy or spiritual leader is a single man or woman? What if they meet and start dating or marry someone they have leadership or authority over? Is that whole relationship rooted in CSA? Or is CSA only determined after the fact, when something goes wrong? Well, what if a healthy and accountable relationship starts between a spiritual leader and a congregation member but it doesn’t work out, and they break up. Is the congregation member allowed to then claim CSA saying they were duped and manipulated?
Admittedly so, as evidenced by all the differing comments, this is not a clear case. The Roys Report has had many articles that we can all agree were knock-out cases showing evidence that without a doubt abuse happened. But this isn’t one of those cases. There’s so much for Tim (the husband) to sift through. Unlike us, he has to sit in this all day, everyday. He will probably be curious about what is true or not; that’s the human condition.
Hugh
A single pastor dating someone within their congregation cannot be trusted to make wise decisions. Can single pastors date? sure. Can they date people they lead? not ethically. And it make me question what other ethical lines they’re blurry on.
I disagree that this isn’t a clear abuse case. I think what you’re seeing is that we have a long way to go in educating people on just how damaging men (lets face it, it’s nearly always men) with authority and lose ethical boundaries can be. Christians are indoctrinated to blame women and protect men, especially men in leadership. This is exactly why pastors get away with abuse so often.
Steph, thank you for the bravery you have shown in telling your story. I am heartbroken over the abuse you endured for so long at the hands of a spiritual leader. I pray other women feel empowered to free themselves from abusive situations because of your story and that we the Church will learn to support women in ministry in a way that does not leave them vulnerable to abuse.
Will there be a podcast episode for this account? People need to understand better the power dynamics at play here. To an outsider, providing oral release to a co-worker seems the province of an affair, but those inside these abusive situations know it is far, far less simple than it appears.
I just noticed that he’s trying to rebrand himself as D. Lee Kizer, probably so he can infiltrate churches and continue abusing women. Hopefully any church or business that will have him will do their research. Hopefully this comment will show up in a search.