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Reporting the Truth.
Restoring the Church.

Opinion: Response of Bethlehem Baptist Elders to Open Letter is Prime Example of DARVO

By Julie Roys
Bethlehem Baptist Church
Bethlehem Baptist Church's Downtown campus in Minneapolis, MN. (Source: Wikimedia Commons)

“Divisive,” “ungospel,” and doing “the very thing (the apostle) Paul says not to do”—these are just some of the allegations leveled by elders at Bethlehem Baptist Church against two congregants who recently published a 31-page Open Letter.

The letter by Mickey and Hannah Sheu documents numerous instances of the elders’ alleged “misuse of power and pattern of questionable actions” and calls for an independent investigation.

As The Roys Report has covered in numerous articles this year, Bethlehem—the church where John Piper pastored for over 30 years—is facing one of its greatest crises in its 150-year history. Three pastors, including Piper’s successor, have resigned and hundreds of members have left.

Yet rather than address the Sheus’ specific concerns and seek a remedy, the elders at Bethlehem have resorted to a common manipulation tactic known as DARVO—deny, attack, and reverse victim and offender.

For example, in a November 6 church meeting, Kenny Stokes, pastor for preaching and vision at Bethlehem’s Dowtown campus, denies that the elders have covered up any abuse and that an investigation is necessary. He then equates the Sheus’ open letter to suing other believers in court, which the apostle Paul warns against doing in I Corinthians 6.

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Pastor Kenny Stokes
Pastor Kenny Stokes

Stokes also likens the Sheus’ questioning of the elders’ actions to the “disdain of authority and leadership” that’s “epidemic” in the culture. He notes that this disdain “hurts fathers, hurts schoolteachers, police precincts in South Minneapolis, and elders.”

This effectively frames the elders as the victims and the Sheus as the offenders.

Similarly, in an email to the Sheus on November 10, Bethlehem Elder Ken Currie accuses the Sheus of “acting unbiblically” and “violating . . . love” as described in 1 Corinthians 13:4 by continuing to call for an independent investigation.

I have shared the elders’ responses to the Sheus with some experts in spiritual abuse and invited their input.

Wade Mullen, author of Something’s Not Right: Decoding the Hidden Tactics of Abuse, replied:

Wade Mullen
Dr. Wade Mullen

The response of leadership does not seem to answer the most important question: Are the concerns raised by church members legitimate and have those concerns been thoroughly reviewed by those who do not have a special interest in the outcome of that review? Instead, they seem to be to be responding to how those concerns are being raised and accusing complainants of malicious intent, sinful methods, undermining authority, and promoting division. I’m not sure how leadership can make such claims without having conducted an impartial and thorough review. It would be more productive and healthier if the requests to respect authority were accompanied by a spirit of openness and inquiry, a willingness to do a check, preferably by an independent third party, and a refusal to accept any quick resolutions. In fact, that willingness to be open, to ask, “Who are we being that people are finding it difficult to trust us?” can increase trust and a respect for authority without ever having to demand it.

Similarly, Jimmy Hinton, a pastor and safeguarding specialist with Godly Response to Abuse in the Christian Environment (G.R.A.C.E.), wrote:

Jimmy Hinton
Jimmy Hinton

As an outsider looking in, it’s evident to me that BBC has leaders who insist on uniformity. Kenny Stokes stated: “and again this distrust, disdain of authority and leadership is epidemic . . . That ought to be in consideration when we think about ‘How ought a congregation respond to leaders?’”

In other words, get in line and don’t question the authority of the leaders. We’ve got this. You don’t.

Hinton also commented on the email by Ken Currie:

Ken Currie wrote an email with very similar undertones in an email to to Mickey and Hannah Sheu: “You have insisted that the elders and church see it your way and you have done so couching your actions in love.” The message is clear—do not question our authority as leaders. Rather than have a discussion with the Sheus, it appears that the leaders at BBC chose to reprimand them for questioning their authority . . .

Hinton concludes:

When leaders flex their spiritual muscles to those “underneath” them, it makes it impossible for there to be any level of accountability. Leadership that positions itself as all knowing, all trusting, having all authority, and being the only ones who can hold each other accountable is leadership that we should all run from. Authoritarian leadership always silences victims and it enables the types of arrogant responses the Sheus and others have received at BBC.

I also reached out to Rebecca Davis for her thoughts, particularly regarding the Scriptures cited by Currie and Stokes, as summarized in a “1 month retrospective” by the Sheus.

(The “retrospective” is printed at the end of this article, along with the Sheus’ open letter. The Roys Report has also obtained recordings of both the November church meetings, along with a document providing time stamps for Stokes’ statements at the meetings. These are published at the end of this article, as well.)

Rebecca Davis
Rebecca Davis

Davis is the author of a three-part series on Untwisting the Scriptures that were used to tie you up, gag you, and tangle your mind. She first responds to four Scriptures Stokes uses to support his allegations in the November meetings:

Stokes (as summarized by the Sheus): By going public, we were doing the equivalent of suing fellow believers in the court of law, “the very thing Paul says not to do,” and with no biblical justification.

Davis: The first thing I did here was look up the context of the Scripture he was citing. The emphasis in 1 Corinthians 6 is on passing judgment in a legal setting, which is completely unrelated to the clearly presented plea made by the Sheus.

Also, 1 Corinthians 6 is about one person who has a personal civil dispute with another person and takes them to court. The Sheus have no personal dispute. They have seen circumstances that have alarmed them, and they are politely, and with deference, asking for answers.

This is an example of twisting Scripture to try to keep people from speaking. 

Stokes: The letter inappropriately takes up the cause of others who have been hurt.

Davis: When is it inappropriate to take up the cause of others who have been hurt? I’ve written at length elsewhere that I believe this is one of the most Christian things we can do.

Because there are no Scriptures to back this one up (as far as I’m aware, it comes from Bill Gothard), I can’t say it’s a Scripture twisting. But it’s one more very common way to try to silence those who are speaking for the cause of righteousness.

Whether or not this Scripture applies directly to the Sheus’ situation, it definitely applies to those who are “taking up the cause of others”:

“Open your mouth, judge righteously, and defend the rights of the afflicted and needy.” – Proverbs 31:9

Stokes: The letter is making an “ungospel” demand that the elders confess all their sins before there can be any reconciliation and is like the prosecutors of the Salem Witch Trials, who “valued repentance over truth.”

Davis: The “gospel” is about salvation—salvation from death and hell and salvation from sin in this life. For someone to ask the elders for transparency, accountability, and repentance where appropriate, is actually working toward a clear presentation of the gospel to those who have been hearing an “uncertain sound” from the church.

Stokes: The proper way the congregation should hold the elders accountable is by trusting that Jesus will hold the elders accountable, and be like Jesus, “entrusting himself to him who judges justly.”

Davis: The first thing I did here was look up the context of the Scripture he was citing. 1 Peter 2:21b-23 says, “. . . Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps. He committed no sin; no guile was found on his lips. When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten; but he trusted to him who judges justly.”

Christ suffered, so we are willing to suffer: that is the thrust of this argument.

It astonishes me that this argument is being applied to the experiences of those who are suffering at the hands of the very ones who should be protecting their congregation from wolves and gently shepherding them to the Lord Jesus! We are to expect to suffer at the hands of our spiritual leaders? Didn’t the Lord have a lot to say about that in Ezekiel 34 and in the gospels? [Note: I can rant about this a while longer if you want me to.]

Davis also responds to Currie’s accusation that the Sheus were acting unbiblically by insisting on their own way and violating the description of love in 1 Corinthians 13:4. Like Hinton, Davis notes, “If all concerns brought before any authority can be dismissed out of hand with the accusation, ‘You are insisting on your own way and thus violating 1 Corinthians 13:4,’ then we are in a bad, bad way as the church of Jesus Christ. Then there will be absolutely no recourse for us to bring any grievances before the elders.”

Mickey & Hannah Sheu’s Open Letter:

An Open Letter to the Bethlehem Elders 11.03.21

1-Month Retrospective by the Sheus:

1 month retrospective

Stokes’ Statements on the Recordings with Timestamps

Recordings for 11_6 and 11_14 BBC Meetings and timestamps

Audio of November 6 Q&A with Kenny Stokes:

Audio of November 14 Meeting with Kenny Stokes:

 
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11 Responses

  1. Thank you very much, Julie Roys, for all that you are doing! May God grant you and all who work alongside you a blessed Christmas season and a spiritually encouraging New Year!

  2. Here’s the start of the problem. “Leader” goggle eyes. Obsessed with the very worldly, hubristic and self-centred idea of ‘leader’. Leader-as-aristocrat is the way it works out to the detriment of the life of the church and the spirituality of individuals.

    Now, let’s look at the church. We all serve. We have different capacities, roles and areas of responsibility, but the word is ‘serve’. If the two ideas ‘serve’ and ‘responsibility’ rang around the room, we’d be in a much different space.

  3. “The lady doth protest too much, methinks.” This is not a great look for the church’s leadership. When there are disagreements over leadership, administration, or many other things in church life, it is usually better to set all the proof-texting and talk about what’s “biblical” or “godly” aside (very far aside). It doesn’t help, and both sides will claim to be doing the right thing. Talk about the issues. Were the by-laws followed? Was an investigation warranted? Why or why not? Openness and transparency are typically not a bad thing. As for not suing other Christians, that text says to let those who are “least esteemed” in the church act as the judges. The Sheus might just qualify for that status. But if you’re not a Christian living in Corinth in the first century who thinks they will live to see the return of Jesus (as Paul did; see 1 Thess), the details probably don’t apply to you. To paraphrase Martin Luther, sue and sue boldly.

  4. This is textbook malignant narcissist behavior. This should be clear to anyone whom is not currently brainwashed into following the neo-Pharisees and their abusive ways. Those still at this institution have real personal issues to deal with. This is not a church, but a personality cult, so the wise will leave and not look back. Love is an action, not an intangible to leverage against you to make you submit to evil leadership.

  5. Oh Bethlehem Baptist – and Seminary – what a well-documented and not surprising mess you have imported into the Body of Christ. The smell of it will not waft away. Why? The remaining (…prevailing?) troupe of leaders from both entities will rely confidently on imperatives, commands, distrust, threats, and other means already being used to further rid others from interfering with their celebrated global destiny. However, these are all mess preservatives, not the Balm of Gilead.

    But the biggest problem for these leaders is that their displayed leadership (including DARVO as noted) will keep Jesus far from their ill-fated corner. You can push people around with your stuff, but God is not moved. Rather, He is with the oppressed, the lowly, the humble, and the repentant. Consequently, these warrior Bethlehem leaders are out of luck given God’s recorded history.

    People still at Bethlehem or students at the seminary who hope that the leaders in either place will lead and rule differently should know that the past is prolog here. In the Reform and Calvinist realm where Bethlehem through Piper has major cred, there is an expected hyper authoritarian governance for churches such that pastors and elders rule. It is pronounced and non-negotiable. It is the only way they do business. If Bethlehem leaders wilt in the face of any kind of accountability, their revered standing as God’s super men in those prized circles will diminish. Watch where their feet take them to see where their loyalties and egos reside. .

    So people of Bethlehem stay if you must, but if you leave – I recommend leaving loud enough so you can be heard in the pew, pulpit, and the uttermost parts. Other voices have already been a lifeline for disciples to start anew on a better path to Zion.

  6. Thank you so much for this reporting and for shedding light on spiritual abuse tactics that are unfortunately common. May the good Lord have mercy, bringing abusers to repentance and bringing healing to those harmed, and purifying His church in the process.

    1. I completely second this. I am unbelievably grateful for this article, the Sheus’ actions, and the investigative work of the Roys Report that is shedding further light on these matters.

  7. As a 15 year member at Bethlehem who left about five years ago, I’ve been both relieved to see this exposure and deeply saddened, but not surprised, by the actions of these elders. Let us leave Calvinism aside please, you can agree disagree on that issue all day, year, and century. This is not about Calvinistic theology; this is about misusing the term ‘authority.’ This is a misunderstanding of covenant membership with congregants. There remains a deep culture at Bethlehem and its church affiliates that the elders exist within a ‘Godly authority’ over the congregants. Questions, from members, about how they use that authority are regularly challenged or brushed off using scriptural twisting. What happens when an elder like Kenny Stokes misuses scriptures to avoid exposure? Has he not broken covenant with those congregants? I’ve lived this, and it’s both painful and bewildering. Only enter into membership with any church body to understand that it is a two-way street. Period.

    1. I totally agree with your response. Authority and the misapplication of it in the church is THE big error of the institutional church. But not in the Body of Christ, because the Body of Christ should know who is the head, and understand mutual submission along with the priesthood of all believers. The words of Jesus are so clear on this matter. Matthew 20:25 “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them. Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant. Most church problems come from pastors who acquire authority never given to them by the head of the Church. Oh, one more thing. I have never understood the use for church membership, when we are already members of the Body of Christ. Is this membership inferior, or insufficient? If we are all members of the Body of Christ, why then do pastors push church membership? Authority

  8. I think Hinton really hits the nail on the head. The church should run from authoritarian leadership. However, I think the evangelical church in America has taught its members to be authoritarian followers. Without recognizing the ways of behaving and thinking that are characteristic of authoritarian followers (ie, black and white thinking, thought-stopping cliches, tribalism as opposed to truth-seeking etc…) Christians may escape from one unhealthy church only to place themselves right back in another one.

    I’m encouraged that the Shues sought to make the truth one of the purposes of their investigation. As some of the experts pointed out, the elders didn’t seen to consider this to be a point of emphasis but framed the Shues investigation as an example of divisiveness or one side against another. This is an aspect of authoritarianism – seeing a complex world through simplistic binary opposites in order to create a following of people terrified to be seen as outside the group.

  9. I attended BBC as a child, then returned during college and attended through 2020. My first marriage was severely abusive (my ex-husband was later diagnosed with extreme Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Grandiose Delusional Disorder, etc). During the 3 years that I sought help from BBC, I was “forced” to stay and undergo that daily abuse, offered no external resources (in fact, arguably discouraged from them), offered ludicrously minimal internal care, and then also experienced predatory behavior from a BBC member therapist/counselor that BBC leadership sent me to see. Although I stayed at the church for a long time, it became quite clear that nothing had truly changed – and increasingly clear just how appalling and untenable the church’s culture/leadership was for domestic abuse, mental health, and women. Pastor Jason was one of the last people I trusted, so it broke my camel’s back to see him rejected by leadership at the church – and so confirming to see that individuals standing up for women and their care are derided and dismissed. I wish there was a way to hold BBC accountable for their actions (and lack thereof) so that other women do NOT have to go through the abuse – and allowance/enforcement of abuse – that I experienced.

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