Texas megachurch pastor Josh Howerton apologized on Sunday to his church for a “joke” that many on social media said perpetuated  “harmful” tropes about sex and women. But Howerton failed to mention that he told the identical joke three years ago, and was confronted about it by a congregant and a visitor.

This latest brouhaha was sparked by comments Howerton made in February. Speaking to wives about their wedding night, Howerton said they should “stand where (your husband) tells you to stand, wear what he tells you to wear, and do what he tells you to do.”

Then, this past Sunday, Howerton warned his congregation that “you can’t trust the internet,” and thanked those who defended him online, while also conceding that his “joke” landed “wrong” on a “few.”

“I just want to say this—dude, if that joke fell on you the wrong way . . . I’m sorry,” Howerton said. “I’m sorry for something that felt like careless words. No—actually, let me rephrase that. I’m sorry for careless words.”

However, this is not the first time Howerton, senior pastor of Iglesia de Lakepointe in the Dallas area, told this “joke”—nor is it the first time his congregants have expressed offense.

El Informe Roys (TRR) has received documentation from a congregant and a visitor, showing they confronted Howerton about an identical joke in 2021.

Natosha Hawk, a former Lakepointe congregant, gave TRR an email she sent to Howerton in 2021. In the email, Hawk objected to “a joke you told in a recent sermon about a woman doing things her husband wanted (‘whatever he wanted’) on the wedding night.”

“This could really be triggering for women who experience trauma around sex, even in marriage,” Hawk continued. Hawk also said that other women in her “Life Group” had noticed that Howerton “always tells jokes about marriage, or women.”

“My guess, and my hope is that you would not want that to be your reputation among women at LP (Lakepointe),” Hawk wrote. “I also recall a blonde joke you told in the past months. I’m starting to feel pretty uncomfortable even coming there as a female (who is also blonde).”

Hawk ended her email by citing Ephesians 5, which instructs Christians not to have any “coarse joking,” and asking Howerton for “correction, repentance, and apology to the congregation.”

En una entrevista con TRR, Hawk said she received an automatic reply to her email, which didn’t address her concerns. She said her family left the church a few months later, in part, because of these kinds of insensitive comments.

“My mind goes to my friends who have trauma and aren’t being treated well in their marriage and even have been abused,” Hawk said.  “If you’re in a bad or desperate situation, it’s fuel to the fire.”

Similarly, Carly Roberson, a friend of Hawk’s, reached out to Howerton on Twitter (now X) in December 2021.

In private messages with Howerton, which were shared with TRR, Roberson confronted Howerton about his joke and noted Hawk’s email.

“These may be jokes to you,” Roberson wrote, “but they are at the expense of half of all image bearers—the physically weaker sex who have been used and abused by men since the beginning of time. . . . I doubt you intended to cause harm, but the impact caused harm nonetheless.”

In response, Howerton wrote that he remembered Hawk’s email and stated: “I just need to speak in a straightforward way that I did not ‘instruct women to do anything their husbands want on their honeymoon’ and would never under any circumstance do so. That was in the context of a joke that said the same thing about BOTH men and women and was extremely clearly stated as a joke, not ‘instruction.’ My gosh, as a pastor I would NEEEEEEEEEEEVER instruct women in that regard, so I hope that’s abundantly clear!”

Howerton added that with 30,000 people watching his messages, he gets 30,000 “levels of sensitivity” to his sermons. Howerton said he runs his sermons and jokes by a team of people that includes women, but admitted he might still get things wrong.

“Because of that, I’ll genuinely take this into consideration for the future and beg your grace in advance for when we might see things a bit differently and I say something that’s a miss in your eyes,” he said.

Howerton did not respond to TRR multiple requests for comment, including a specific request to address the concerns raised by Hawk and Roberson three years ago.

“I’m offended on behalf of women . . .”

In his apology Sunday, Howerton implied that some of the offense caused by his “joke” was due to it being presented out of context.

“I tossed out a joke—emphasis word ‘joke’—at the beginning of a message about men and women planning their weddings days and wedding nights and it became a thing,” he said. “Somebody grabbed that clip of that joke. They clipped off the beginning of the joke. They clipped off the part of the joke to men, kept the part of the joke to men.  And they clipped off the end of the joke before you could tell it was a joke and then presented it—Dallas Morning News hashtag—as Pastor Josh’s ‘advice to women.’”

Also, in his sermon Sunday, Howerton seemed to excuse his “joke,” noting that Jesus used “strong language” like when Jesus called Gentiles “dogs.” Howerton also quoted Jesus as saying, “Blessed is the one who is not offended by me,” a verse from Matthew 11:6.

“In our culture right now, we have millions and millions of people who wake up every day and stand right on the edge of a fence just waiting for somebody to say something that gives them the ability to be offended,” said Howerton. “If you find that dynamic going on in your heart, you need to pay attention to that because something really, really unhealthy is happening inside. You need to bring that to Jesus.”

Marriage and dating author Sheila Wray Gregoire, who publicly confronted Howerton for his “joke” in March, admitted on X  on Tuesday that she was among those offended. (Gregoire initially posted a shortened clip of Howerton’s “joke” on X in March. But she played the entire joke in context on her podcast.)

“Yes, Josh, I am offended on behalf of the women in your congregation, even if they laughed, because I know what effect hearing these sorts of things for YEARS has on women,” she wrote. “We’ve studied it. We’ve seen higher rates of sexual pain; lower orgasm rates; higher rates of abuse. To be offended on behalf of those who are being oppressed, even if you are not being oppressed yourself, if actually part of fulfilling Jesus’ calling to set the captives free.

Gregoire also challenged Howerton’s interpretation of Jesus commending people who are not offended by him.

“Josh Howerton preached this week that because Jesus offended people, it should be normal for pastors to say offensive stuff,” ella escribió. “He fails to note that Jesus offended because He was fighting injustice, and not because he was perpetuating it.”

Hawk said she doesn’t want to impugn Howerton’s character. At the same time, she noted in her email to Howerton that “from the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. Why do you need to say these things and what is in your heart that is driving that humor?”

Para TRR, Hawk added, “It feels like these kinds of people won’t ever change. They’re on these big platforms and obviously someone around them is saying they’re doing a good job. . . . But until people start leaving the church and not giving money, they won’t listen.”

Rebecca Hopkins es una periodista radicada en Colorado.